-My daughter will be 4 years old in May, she just started school this past September and the teacher tells me all the time she doesn't understand basic commands, such as are you done with lunch if so throw it away and she went to the bathroom and just walked around. Another time she wore a red shirt and the teacher said everyone wearing red go to the front of class adn she didn't and the teacher went over to her and said you are wearing red so you can go to the front and she kept saying ok but didn't do it. What do i do is there something wrong???Ok there isn't just one good answer and you have gotten many already.
Something to consider is simply that she might be bored with what the class is doing and not sure that she wants to participate.
Something else to consider is that she might actually be uncomfortable in the classroom. Is the room really loud? Is it bright and busy? I know this has typically been the way that classrooms for little people are but some students do not thrive in them. She might be distracted by what is going on at school. This is why it is important for you to be aware of how she responds to your requests in different situations.
"Are you finished with your lunch if you are throw it out" is really a two step problem. She has to figure out if she is finished and then she has to throw it out. But what if she wants it later? what if she thinks she needs to do something else with it. Children are not always as clear about our directions as we think they are- it might be as simple as you recycle and the school doesn't so she didn't know what to do so she avoided the problem and went to the washroom. sometimes small children don't know that they are able to disagree with grown ups or to ask questions of them.
I remember being in preschool and the teacher told us we had to listen to her during circle time, I was so shy that I thought that meant I couldn't go to the bathroom I had to stay and listen so I didn't ask to go and I ended up wetting my pants. we really do observe and take information in much differently when we are very young.
It is much too early to decide if something is wrong. You need to be more alert at home first. Narrow it down to either being in both places or at school first.How does she behave at home? Does the teacher have an accent that she might not understand? You should probably have her hearing checked. If she does what you tell her to but doesn't understand the teacher then there is a language or hearing problem going on. There needs to be some concept checking to see if she understands what's being asked of her. If she talks, she should be able to respond, which should give you some clues. "What color is your shirt?" If she says red, then "What are red-shirt people supposed to do now"? If she doesn't say red then there may be some cognitive delays.
she is developmentally delayed
You are already on the case, which means she's got her mommy in her corner. Give yourself a hug and here are some areas to consider now that you're in the problem solving phase. Ahh parenting... Always new ways to grow in problem solving!
Here are a few things to consider:
0) She's 3. There are a lot of things developing in preschoolers and she may just need some space and love.
1) Have you checked her hearing? That's probably been suggested by the teacher, but it's a good place to start.
2) Since she's new to the preschool, there are many things to get used to. She may be tuning in to the big group atmosphere, even it's only 15 kids, and not feeling ready to commit to moving before she sorts this all out.
3) She could be afraid to take a risk. This is an area where you might be inclined to feel guilty, but hold off, as that won't help if this is the situation! Has she been berated a lot for not doing the right thing? This happened to me when I was young, and I hung back a lot because it seemed too risky.
It would be good to get some parenting classes under your belt, to either curb the tendency to worry about what other's think about your daughter's growth and get into her corner even more, or to build up your knowledge of what's developmentally appropriate so you can set up boundaries so that whoever is berating her stops.
4) Is this school accepting of her taking her time? Does she feel pressured by the staff?
I have 2 kids, 6 and 9, and am a former elementary school teacher. But I still take a parenting class at least once a year, just to keep myself from slipping into unhelpful behavior - too often, that is. Kids have to go through a lot of ups and downs as they grow, and mistakes are a way of life in parenting as we figure out what they're up to. Parenting classes can help us remember to be kind to ourselves as we grow as parents, which helps us be more compassionate to those poor kids, since they are always having the experience of 'failing', which is just growing!
Good luck!
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